This year has been a whirlwind. As many of you know, I started out this sememster (I am a teacher and perpetual student and will forever be talking about semesters) like gangbusters. I exercised regularly. I took my first semester of counseling courses. I was teaching, being a new drummer in the church band, and enjoying life. I felt disciplined and focused for once. Well, maybe at least for a bit, I had to feel like I could accomplish these things before I was ready for what was coming next. I became a dad.
While most people have nine months to wait expectantly for this reality, I woke up on a Monday morning expecting to go to work and slightly mourning what looked like an adoption, whose possibility we only knew about for a week, fell through. I convinced myself it wasn't going to happen. Jackie was convinced that it was going to happen. I was wrong, thankfully.
I guess I was sheilding myself from further disappointment as well as the reality that my life as I knew it was going to change. I love my wife and the life we had together for more than seven years. I was spoiled. Not to mention, nobody gets a kid that quick. We were only on the adoption list for a few weeks. Before that, we were intending on doing foster care. They pay you for foster care. For adoption, we pay them. The fee didn't scare me, knowing that we would have a few years before it was due.... NOT.
In the middle of that Monday, October 30th, we got a call that the baby we were going to meet for the first time a few days before was in fact waiting for us to pick him up. We got our classes covered and hauled ass to where we were supposed to be to get the baby.
We went to the apartment where his loving mom who was overwhelmed and had her hands full with too many other kids was graciously waiting with the social workers to turn over her child to a few strangers whom she only knows from a scrap book. Aside from my friends who think I am a little crazy, everyone can rest knowing that we went through a pretty extensive screening to get to that point.
We spent some time with the mom and the baby, whose name was Joshua at the time we met him, and then we left with him in our arms. As I turned back, I noticed that the birth mom was crying as we were living. The crying was contagious. Jackie and I were both crying as we were walking away. It was both a sad and happy moment for us. It is only recently that I can imagine what that mom must have gone through. I couldn't imagine having to give up baby Charlie. When given the opportunity, we gave him a family name. He is after all our family and too young to know what his name was. (We are going to be totally honest with him, including having pictures of his birth mom around).
He has grown a lot the last two months. He is eating and pooping and talking and sleeping and grabbing things and using his legs. He smiles. He takes great pictures. He can pull out his pacifier and cry for it because it is gone. He is getting teeth.
I have also grown a lot the last two months. My franticness is quite unecessary sometimes. We are seeing some progress on the fee side. We have found more money by virtue of not eating out all the time any more. Our gracious church provided meals for us the first several weeks. We were showered with plenty of pampers. I don't think we have bought diapers yet. Our family and friends have all been wonderful with furniture and other items through showers and other opportunities.
This Christmas my step dad, mom, sister, brother in law, neices, and nephew cooked up a scam to redirect part of what they would normally get from my mom and step dad to help us pay for Charlie... It was the "bread for Charlie" campaign. Mom gave us a bread plate for Christmas. Wow. Then she passed out identical boxes to everyone including Charlie. When we opened them, there was a card shaped like a loaf of bread with 50 bucks inside. I pulled mine out of the card.... Yippy. So did Jackie. We like getting money. Everyone else had bread too. Then, my mom asked for the bread plate and then told everyone to put their bread in. We thought she was a little crazy at first. I began to realize what was going on. Jackie, who hadn't realized it yet said jokingly, "That bread can go to my house." Well, the bread came back to our house and has been used to pay down the adoption.
After a few months, what was close to 10,000 dollars to be due by the end of April has been paid down to 3,500 dollars. The next few months, my payments will be minimal as property taxes and tuition needs to get worked out. But, things are more hopeful at this point than I could have imagined they could be. I really worry to much.
And having a few weeks off between Thanksgiving and Christmas ( for paternity leave) couldn't have come at a better time. I was able to work through some of my anxiety about being a dad, the sticker shock of being a dad, and complete my classes for the semester.... "sliding into home." Exercise? Maybe for this years resolution. I can set some reasonable goals instead of trying to destroy the mountain in a day. Something is better than nothing.
Christmas was great having Charlie around. He got lots of wonderful gifts from family all over the country and he met his great grandfather, Paw Paw Charley, who he is mostly named after. To see the smile on Paw Paw's face was worth a million dollars. To witness baby Charlie's growth the last few months was priceless. (Believe it or not, I did not intend to create a MasterCard commercial out of this. I realized it after I wrote it.) All that being said. This year, in our house, Santa didn't bring presents, he was the present.
