Leadership

I know it has been a long time since I have written. I am busier than ever. My teeth are getting straighter. Charlie is walking. Jackie and I are still working at the same place in the same department, teaching the same subject. We cannot wait for this year to be over. Next year we will be somewhere else. I hope that I will be a counselor at a school some where. If not, I am not opposed to bar tending or driving a school bus or whatever I have to do to make a living. But, I am sure something will work out, I may teach another year somewhere else. We are ready to change out our problems. Old for new.

The reason I titled this leadership is due to an ironic experience I have had as a counselor in training. More than once, I have heard people describe me as a leader or "our leader" in reference to the role I play in our class. This last week during a group exercise, we were asked to write notes to other members and place them in a cup, anonymously. I was impressed with what people had to say about me and then when I shared which one of them impressed me the most, I picked the one that used the word leader.

As many of you know, I used to be a preacher. I felt the call when I was 16 and pursued it through to a Master's degree. Shortly after that, realizing that I was plum depressed, I saw my true motivation for ministry and how the reality of church life was not meeting that need. I think my motives were pure, but there were some factors that I was not aware of. I was about 27 at this time. I went into teaching shortly after that.

Back up a few years to when I was 19 or 20. I was frustrated with my life at church when I was in college. Compared to my time in the high school youth group, I was not a leader anymore (in retrospect, what I was saying is that I was not getting as much attention as I used to). While lamenting to a professor of mine, who does not work at the college anymore, he said to me 'I just don't see you as a leader.' That is the last thing my poor heart needed to hear at the time. Thanks dude! (This should be titled "This Bird's For You PartIII"). I was hurt. Pastoring and leadership went hand in hand in my mind and if I could not be a leader, I couldn't be a pastor. I was crushed.

Anyway, years later, people are calling me a leader. The irony of the whole thing is.... When I was setting out to be a leader, it wasn't working for me. Now, I am setting out to be the best counselor I can be. I am studying and using the sum of my past experience to contribute to discussions and help others when they need help academically or just an ear to listen to them. I get things done first and have many times shared my work so they can see a good example of what the professor expects, on my own accord and under the encouragement of the professor. While being a leader who influences others had been furthest from my mind, that is when it happened. I was called a leader.... over and over again. It is pretty nice. If it ends, I will be fine with that. So, take that former professor who left in a cloud of controversy, This Bird's for you. (Yeah, he was right at the time, but could have found a more encouraging and growth fostering way to say it). Later!

No New Job... Probably Next Year.

The people I interviewed with stressed that they were interviewing a "number of people" over two days. Apparently it really was a large number. They said they were amazed that I made their top 4 choices without any school counseling experience. But, in the end I did not get the position. But, when the school goes to 4 grades next year they hope to add another counseling position. I was strongly encouraged to keep my application active and reapply for the new position. Even though I did not get the job, I am pleased with the interview. When the AP called back later that afternoon, she had some constructive criticism to give me about interviews but assured me that was not the reason I did not get the job. She said I was definitely counselor material. What worked against me is that 2 of the 3 counselors next year would be new. They did not want one of those two newbies to be a total newbie to the profession. I would have made the same decision if I was in their shoes. Maybe next year.

Interview

I had an interview today with a newer high school within the same district as the one I graduated from. I should know this afternoon if I get the job.

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I have been frantically busy. I hope everyone is doing well.

Think about me, pray for me, etc.

As many of you know, I am pursuing a career in counseling. The program I am in will help me become a school counselor and eventually I might be a counselor with a private practice or something like that. When I signed up for it, I had no idea that in the state of Texas that I could get a school to hire me and get an emergency certification after 12 hours of courses. Getting a school to hire me at the beginning of my program is the clincher. While one side of me was reluctant (I am actually quite happy at my job these days), my advisor/professor has given me some serious encouragement. After reallizing that he does not give this encouragement to just anyone, I felt pretty good about stepping forward. Today, I put in my application/resume online for the first time to become a school counselor. I put it in for a job at the high school I graduated from. I believe I would love to do that. So, think about me or pray for me that I can get this position. We will see what happens. If anything, I hope I will at least get to go on an interview or two for some practice.

Thank you everyone!
Donnie

Now for a new episode of .... This Bird's for you!

Not as exciting as my previous one... and acknowledging that I too could easily appear on one of these for some people, I must say that I am dumbfounded by people's dumbass behavior sometimes.

I was at our friendly neighborhood Starbucks. I was sitting in one of the cushy loungers, after having waited for them to become empty for more than an hour as I read some of my counseling books. They were in a corner, with a table in the middle. I had a book on the table and my bottle of water. At one time, another customer had a coffee, book, and a pastry on the table along with me. That was fine. There was plenty of room for both of us and I definitely was not hogging the table between us. I was there for a long time. The second person to sit in the other cushy chair sat down with a paper to read. After a while, he is ready to leave and puts the paper on the table, on top of my book without any consideration for whose stuff that might be. It is not like I am in pain, it just seemed rude (though not intentional I am sure, he gave me a polite smile as he left) and inconsiderate. Now, I had to deal with his crap to get to mine. At least ask before you do something like that, the paper was not a big deal, it was the dumbass behavior. I am sure I had a slightly WTF look on my face as I smiled back, but I was shocked at the lack of awareness displayed by this other person.

So.... Literate, Clueless, Current Affair reading man, who tried to put a cover on my day :) Mind your own BUSINESS SECTION! This Bird's for YOU!

This Bird's for you!

This is a new segment, which I will be calling "This Bird's for you." This came about due to all the people out there who I would occassionally.... rarely want to extend the finger to. Since my wife has forbidden me (and rightfully so) from doing this in public, due to an angry 50 something man who first almost ran over us (because he was in a hurry) and then tried to run over us again and pull us over after I reacted with an angry gesture. I will do it on the blog. Look out for a gray Tundra out there. Yep, he was trying to pull me over. I was stupid that day, but not crazy. I got rid of him.

Here is the story...
Yesterday, I let Jackie go in to the local HEB grocery store and get us some stuff while I waited outside, pulled over next to a concrete curb, between the lanes of parking spaces and yes a little bit in traffic but not so much it should be a problem. We all do it. Most people could get around me. Maybe occasionally someone would have to stop and wait for someone to pass to go around. This is just part of life, nothing to get crazy about.

After a while of sitting there, I look up to find a balding old guy, maybe around 70, acting like he is trying to run into me. If he was in fact trying to drive where I was at, he would be going the wrong way. This is the first I noticed him. He started yelling and cussing at me. I was quite perplexed. He backs his car up and then repositions himself to pull up next to me, now having the lane I was maybe partially in totally blocked. He is yelling at me to roll down my window. I stupidly obliged.

He continued yelling at me. "This is not a parking spot! A... Hole! (Duh) Are you too lazy to park way out there and walk into the store! (Huh?). He said a lot more, interlaced with plenty of profanity. When he paused for my response, I was in such shock that I just gave him a dumbfounded look. I did not know what the hell he was talking about or why. I wasn't going in the store. I was just waiting. Why is he yelling? Before I could gather my thoughts, he called me the biggest FN idiot he's ever seen, talked to the Lord (Jesus Christ) and drove off before I could say anything. It was all in a matter of seconds. What the hell?

Apparently, after he found a parking spot, he hobbled his way into the store. I noticed his nice bald spot (probably what mine would look like in a few years). He was close to the door. I was slightly amused in my state of perplexity and figuring he was far enough away from me I rolled my window down and said "Shine your head for a quarter!" and rolled my window back up. He turned around to find me happily sticking my tongue out and I found him calling me an A...Hole a few times. I couldn't hear him through my window, but it sure is easy to read that on an angry person's lips. The lady picking through the oranges at the front of the store was amused as she turned, looked at me, and gave me a nice smile.

So, Old Angry Gray Ford Taurus Man (His car was gray... He was pretty gray too) THIS BIRD'S FOR YOU!

When nature calls.

Everyone has seen or talked about the Seinfeld episode where they are wondering around the parking garage looking for a safe place to find relief and end up getting caught by the cops or security for public urination. I probably wouldn't be funny if it were not so true to life. I remember my pastor's son getting caught by cops on a dark country road on night. He told us about it at church the next day. The cop had a good laugh about it.... If I remember correctly. This is just what guys end up having to do sometimes. We are taught as young boys, especially in the country how to scope out the right places to "drain the vein" or "let the lizard spit."* When it is dark outside, who cares if you walk out on the front porch or stop between your car and your house because the trek from your car to your house is a mile long.

*(A while back, a fellow blogger had a whole line of "poop" analogies, maybe we could go ahead and pick another body function.... I came up with the first two!)

While never having been caught by authorities, I too have had to leave my mark on the world while in a moment of desparation. When jogging around the neighborhood and about a mile and a half a way and I am certain I cannot make it, I have been guilty of finding a place of relief. I admit it. With my luck, there is probably a hidden camera out there with my uh... name on it.
A while ago, due to extrenuating circumstances (aka hurricane evacuation) I had to find a creative use for my car door (partition). Before that, while coming home from my college town, I was on a country road and rushing to get to a gas station to relieve myself appropriately when I had to stop due to a train. Yep, my truck door was a partition and it was just me and the train out there in the middle of nowhere and I SERIOUSLY had to take care of the situation. Thankfully it was after I finished that a second car drove up behind me.

You are all probably wondering what the heck I am doing talking about all this crap (well not really crap) for. A few times since I have started this blog, I was reminded of the most awesome testimony of public urination that anyone could ever come up with. It makes the boring examples above look.... well... boring.

Some time in college, I was with a friend of mine. We went to a local park where we knew a lot of our friends were playing capture the flag. Well, as you all have figured out, nature called. I tried to go to the park rest rooms and found them locked. Yep, I was desparate. In a park full of trees, I wondered around in the dark until I thought I was safe. I stepped up to the tree and about the time I was going to unzip and let 'er rip, the tree actually said in a girls voice, "I wouldn't do that if I were you Donnie." Surprised, thinking to myself "Holy Crap." I looked up to find one of my friends from band, all dressed in black, hiding from the others as part of the capture the flag game. Of all the trees! Needless to say, I assisted another tree in its need for nourishment that day. Dang that was embarassing. But, it sure is a cool story to write about and giggle about more than 10 years later. Top that suckas! :)

He Looks Like Me

I teach in a school where I am a definite minority. The population of my school consists of 40% Hispanic, 40% Black, and a mixture of many others. There maybe 5% white in my school. Over the years I have talked about adopting and my students would ask me if I would adopt a black baby. I could not see how I could turn down any baby no matter what the race. I (with a little reluctance) said yes.

As we progressed through our process, the idea of a little Chinese girl sounded good to me. But, one day at church, I saw the most beutiful little Chinese newborn. While thinking she was cute, I began to get choked up. The reality is that I was mourning the fact that she did not look like me. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a racist. I love and interact with all kinds of people. But, when it came to kids, even I had to mourn my lack of biological capability.

I have even had to adjust a little to Charlie. He is biracial. In some lighting he looks white like me. In other lighting, he has some color to him. After a few weeks of trying to fit him into a category, I realized that he is just a human being. While respecting others' cultural preferences and how they influence them, I think that this is really the best way to look at people. The boy has stolen my heart. He is mine.

As irony would have it, or the fact that people would see what they think they should, I am hearing over and over that he looks like me. I saw it when I first met him. He reminded me of myself in some baby pictures. My mom saw it. Others have seen it. Some have said that he has hair "like his daddy." There have been a few more. Finally, the other day when I came into the daycare to pick up Charlie, the owner or manager was like "WOW" he looks like his dad. She was astonished when we told her the whole story and could not believe it. It is an unpredictable blessing for me.

As he gets older, having seen pictures of his brother, it is possible that the differences will be more noticeable. But that won't matter. I hope he will continue to look like me in other ways.... honesty, for the most part integrity, caring, empathy, humor.... and I can go on and on. I just hope I can do a good job of making good character a permanent part of his life.

He is doing good. He is eating four meals a day (including cereal with banana and cereal with squash) and sometimes a few ounces of bottle for a booster before bed time. Except for turning him around in his bed and popping his "sucky thing" back in his mouth, he has been sleeping all night. I feel guilty leaving him during the day. I love to stay home and play with him. He is getting used to it. Right now he is crying.... got to go : )

Day Care Update!

After a morning of crying and screaming, I survived a day of Charlie at day care.
Charlie was smiles all day of course. The ladies at the day care can't speak a lick of English, but I am sure he is in a good place. When we found him this afternoon, he was peaceful and well fed. He is a good boy.

I scheduled my classes for next semester. It looks like I will be pushing on toward the counseling career.... or bartending. I can't decide sometimes. :)

Last Day.

Being a stay at home dad has been amazing the last 6 and a half weeks. I guess you could say I have bonded with the boy. We have been together for some good times and bad times and some times that made me cry with him. Tomorrow, I have to go back. If it were not for my contract, I would quit. But that would not be the right thing. Hopefully we can find an answer by next year so that one of us could stay home with him for a few years. A good night job would be a good idea. (Any ideas anyone?). Maybe I can still make it big as a rock star, make my million and we can both stay home with Charlie... After all, I am a drummer now too.

I was actually confused with a real drummer this weekend. Some of my all time best friends came by to visit with their new baby. He is absolutely adorable. I took Jim out to show him the borrowed drumset that I have been playing on and played a little so he would know I was not pretending. When we came in, Amy described Ryan's reaction to Jim's drumming. Jim let her know it was me. Since Jim is a great drummer, that made me pretty happy for her to think that was him instead of me. I had a similar experience on the trumpet one time. That is another story.

We had a good visit. We compared notes of being a new parent... eating habits, sleeping habits, pooping habits. We talked about how our lives have changed and how we cannot imagine life without the new little one. They talked about feelings related to dropping their boy of with child care during the day. Amy lets Jim drop their boy off so she will not have to deal with some of the emotions (keep reading Amy). I'll be honest, I thought to myself that she was a wus for doing that (Still keep reading Amy).

Well, today is my last day with Charlie. This morning, we went to the doctor. After that, he went shopping with his mommy, "grani," aunt and cousins today while I took care of some errands and saw a movie and ate some enchaladas (I think I mispelled enchalada, but don't really feel it is important enough to look up right now. ) at my favorite restaurant. I had a great but busy few weeks and welcomed the break. After the food and before the movie, I was home for a bit, by myself, thinking of what to do next, and then it hit me that tomorrow he was going to daycare. I began to sob terribly for a good five minutes saying "I don't want my baby in day care!" Tears. Yelping. Wussy behavior I tell you. I guess I am a dad now. It is both proof of my love for the kiddo and reminder of exactly why I was so resistant for such a long time. My guard had to come down. Anybody who has seen him knows it wasn't too hard for my guard to come down. I am not as tough as I like to think I am. None of us really are. Some are just better at pretending.