Shark!

They say that woman value nurture while men value independence. It is often played out in our media's stereotypes. The loving caring mother who cooks and the adventurous father who likes fishing and hunting. Men are logical and women are emotional, etc.

Well, I have a neighbor who fits that manly profile, unlike myself. I am into academia and have several degrees on my hands and he is into the security business. I am young he is old. Over the last few years, we have gradually become good friends. Our wives are in book club together. My son loves to go across the street to play with their dog and the chickens (don't tell the HOA). We talk and I realize, he is a free spirit and one of the funniest guys I have ever met. If I could write and sell a movie about him, I would. He has been extremely helpful when I need to borrow a tool or figure out its name (say it with me.... "screw driver"..... "Oh yeah, I knew that"). He likes to hunt and fish and I recently discovered he picked up a new hobby in that arena.....

Shark Fishing from the shore! Though I was shocked, I was not surprised (is that an oxymoron). When I enquired as to why I had not benefited from a bounty of shark steaks, the tale got even more twisted. He did not kill them. He measures them, tags them, sends them back into the water after taking an assortment of photographs to prove that he actually did it. He fishes for bragging rights. (Nothing like telling the friends around the water cooler or at the bar after a couple of shots about the shark you wrangled that past weekend. I am sure it is more believable at the bar.) In fact, he does not even like to eat fish of any sort. Hmm, a man of mystery.

Well, after describing this whacked adventure and showing me his scab from a scaly shark abrasion, he asked me to go along. I gladly accepted and began to think of a time that I could go. That time was two days ago.

Never mind that I woke up with a big fever earlier that day, I was not missing out! (I called and got permission first, didn't want to make them sick).

He loaded up his equipment which included a variety of poles, pvc pipes, other fishing gear, salted shrimp for bait, and a kayak. His other crazy friend came up and we began the drive to the beach. We got out, started cutting up the shrimp which was used to catch small fish to use as shark bait.

Is that right to manipulate the food chain like that? Wonder what kind of bait would be used to catch bait to catch me? Hmmm. If anyone wants to catch me, use some money and go to the Mini dealership and purchase a Mini Cooper convertible. Put that car in my front yard with the keys inside and then you have me. That will work... Money = Cooper = Catching me. I dare you to try it... C'mon, be a sport.

Anyway, after we caught some bait, we hooked it onto a rod and reel which was placed in the pvc pipe standing in the sand. Then we took the bait and hook out 300 or so yards out into the water and dropped it. Then, all we had to do was sit and wait.

Sure enough, they took the bait. It was all fine and dandy until that shark started heading down the shore a few yards toward a nearby family fishing with their kids. We kept running after it, reeling it in while yelling to those innocently standing by, "Shark!" After much effort, it finally hit land. We drug it on shore (I say we. I let them do it. I declared myself the cameraman). Everyone was looking at us like we were heroes (or a bunch of dumb asses). He got measured, tagged, and photographed (If I was the shark, I would consider myself screwed too). This guy drew a crowd like a celebrity. The innocent family running for their lives earlier decided they wanted to gather around it and pose for a picture with the shark. They did. After we pushed the shark back in, it wasn't too long that the family got right back in with it. Smart?

A while later, a little after dark, the second reel started moving and this was going to be my time to shine. I jumped at the chance to get this one, having already been part of the rest of the process, I didn't feel like I was cheating or anything. I jumped up and started cranking. In the meantime I was getting outfitted with various belts to keep the shark from taking the pole and to keep me from jabbing the pole into my nuts and started working it, only to discover that the shark caught on to the game. He left the bait. So, back in the kayak to take the bait out.

A little later, there was some more action on the rod. This time it was for real! On with the belts! On with the crank action! It seemed like it took for ever, me cranking while at the same time declaring that there was no way I was going to touch it! No Freakin Way!

It got closer and I got more tired only to eventually meet him face to face. They pulled him on shore, screwed him like they did the other one, and somehow convinced me it was okay to kneel by him and hold him by the tail while they took a picture. He flipped and wiggled a bit. I screamed like a school girl. They told me the picture didn't come out good and wanted me to touch him again. I compromised with just kneeling beside him. We pushed him back in. Okay, they did and I watched the shark try to give my friend a nibble. And then he swam away.

I caught a shark and grabbed him by the tail. He was 5'8" long. The effects of that day are lasting even two days later. I got a boost of self-confidence and my anxiety has diminished. Hey, I can do anything if I can reel in a big ass shark! No worries.

A little music to work with? Should this be an episode of this bird's for you?

I love listening to music. I can do almost anything to music. Except read, watch tv, or screw. We tried it with some 80's hair band once. My ADD kept me flipping back and forth between two different grooves ; ). Maybe I should have tried to do it to the rythm and sing along .

I seriously got off track just then.

I used to be able to read and listen to music, but that has changed since I got older. But, when I am typing and doing other kinds of work, I like to have some Pandora.com going on in the background.

Most people in my office don't mind. I have even asked and everyone is cool. It makes the work day go faster. I am an adjunct prof and I never know who I will see in the adjunct office.

Well, guess who comes in. The one person in the faculty that I have ever met that "can't concentrate when music is on."

I have seen her before, tall, lanky, beady little eyes peering through these glasses. She sat by me before, to use the computer right near me, after asking me, crowding my space. I actually have enough books to occupy the whole office.

When I politely asked her if she minded the music, she said Yes. DOH! What an idiot (I was for asking)! I should have known she was not cool enough to sit by me.

Welp, here I am a few weeks later, music turned low enough for me to hear in my 2 square feet of floor space and guess who walks in? This time, sitting on the other side of the room from me. It was her, the tall, lanky one with the beady little eyes and this time I notice her frizzy puff of hair and her red cart to haul her crap around the offices.

She didn't say anything when she walked in. She sat in her spot by the computer behind the partition. I hear a voice, i don't assume she is talking to me... maybe she is talking on her cell phone.... I hear it again, she said "excuse me" ... maybe the person on the line can't hear her... I hear it again, and this time louder, only to find the person with the beady eyes looking at me, peering from behind the partition that divides us. (AHHHHHH!) "Yes," I said. "I can't concentrate with music on." (YEAH BITCH! I CAN"T CONCENTRATE WITH IT OFF!).... "Okay, sorry. I'll turn it down."

It was a bit annoying. I got over it. But, a while later, because I was concentrating on my work, I turned around to notice that the wheel barrow was gone and so was that puffy haired beady eyed, lanky woman. Who knows how long she was gone and did she bother to tell me so I could turn the jams back on? No. How rude!

Anxiety Sucks.

It is day two. It probably won't be too reasonable to do this everyday. Maybe every other day or two or three days a week will be fine.

Anxiety sucks. I have learned to function with it. I have learned to put it aside while practicing what it is I want to do professionally (counselor, ironic huh). But, it still does not change the fact that it is there, taunting me. If there is something to worry about, I will find it. I will think of it. It will find me wherever I am.

Did I lock the door to the house? This question can hit me anywhere. I sometimes make it to the corner and have to turn back, step out of the car, march up the sidewalk and check the knob and the dead bolt. I can only think of once or twice in my life that I actually had to lock it. In the area of the door, it has become better. Sometimes I would check it two or three times before I could pull out of the driveway and many neighbors have been inconvenienced by a phone call from another town or while I am stuck in a class or a meeting asking them to check my door. "Hey bro.... Yep, I do only call you when I need something.... Yep, its the door again... Thanks." I am lucky to have good neighbors.

What worries me most right now is my job situation. I am in a place professionally that I haven't been in a long time... satisfied. I am also in a place financially that I have been in since I resigned from my full time teaching position... sinking. You never would have imagined it, but high school teachers actually make more than community college professors where I am from and being an adjunct makes it even more desperate.

It is often compounded for me when my wife is not happy in her position and I am in no place to help. I wish sometimes that I could tell her to quit and get a part time job that is more suitable for her, but she is the main bread winner at the moment and I am depending on her until I get back to a good place and can give her a break to fulfill her dream. I often wish that I had thought more about making money than about helping people. I could have been a mechanic or plant worker with plenty of experience and seniority right now to make a stable living and support a family. Go to work, come home, sit back, and enjoy.

I know it will work out in time, but in the mean time I have learned the error of my ways. Plan ahead... You will have a family and you will need to support them... or marry for money : ).... Nah.

But, next time I have a decent paying full time job, I will not leave until I have found another one. On the other hand, I have been able to do a lot that I have always wanted to do as a result of quitting. Life is a double edged sword sometimes.

Recreating

I changed the address and the title to reflect a new time in my life. I don't know if I will be found by old readers or not. Hey, who knows if I will write everyday? I don't really have to. A few years ago, I started the blog, snoopdonniedon, because a friend encouraged me that it would be a good way form me to practice my writing. I thought it would be a good way to entertain, provoke some thinking, and engage in some therapeutic discourse. I was right. Eventually, I got sidetracked. Rather, I got off the track.

One of my weaknesses is that I am addicted to attention and getting kudos from friends new and old would become addicting. But, when you don't get the kudos you hope for, it can be discouraging. I was performing for my supposed audience and not for my audience of one.... myself. I dropped the ball, got sucked in to other computer outlets for attention (i.e. myspace and facebook). I deleted my myspace and deactivated my facebook. While I know I can get back on at anytime, it is a worthy cause for me to break the chains of addiction and begin to focus on the family around me and working out the questions I have about life. Already, I feel better.

I changed the settings, turned off the comment capabilities and will feel free to vent however I please. If I am found by someone I know, great. If not, great. I left all past entries from the old blog, because they are still an important part of displaying my cyber journey. Maybe it won't be more than a year till I post something. I am sure I will make some people laugh, some angry, some disgusted, some cry, but why be afraid. That is what life is all about, experiencing these things.

I am a bit interested in trying to post some ads, the extra cha-ching would be nice.

Good night everyone.