It is day two. It probably won't be too reasonable to do this everyday. Maybe every other day or two or three days a week will be fine.
Anxiety sucks. I have learned to function with it. I have learned to put it aside while practicing what it is I want to do professionally (counselor, ironic huh). But, it still does not change the fact that it is there, taunting me. If there is something to worry about, I will find it. I will think of it. It will find me wherever I am.
Did I lock the door to the house? This question can hit me anywhere. I sometimes make it to the corner and have to turn back, step out of the car, march up the sidewalk and check the knob and the dead bolt. I can only think of once or twice in my life that I actually had to lock it. In the area of the door, it has become better. Sometimes I would check it two or three times before I could pull out of the driveway and many neighbors have been inconvenienced by a phone call from another town or while I am stuck in a class or a meeting asking them to check my door. "Hey bro.... Yep, I do only call you when I need something.... Yep, its the door again... Thanks." I am lucky to have good neighbors.
What worries me most right now is my job situation. I am in a place professionally that I haven't been in a long time... satisfied. I am also in a place financially that I have been in since I resigned from my full time teaching position... sinking. You never would have imagined it, but high school teachers actually make more than community college professors where I am from and being an adjunct makes it even more desperate.
It is often compounded for me when my wife is not happy in her position and I am in no place to help. I wish sometimes that I could tell her to quit and get a part time job that is more suitable for her, but she is the main bread winner at the moment and I am depending on her until I get back to a good place and can give her a break to fulfill her dream. I often wish that I had thought more about making money than about helping people. I could have been a mechanic or plant worker with plenty of experience and seniority right now to make a stable living and support a family. Go to work, come home, sit back, and enjoy.
I know it will work out in time, but in the mean time I have learned the error of my ways. Plan ahead... You will have a family and you will need to support them... or marry for money : ).... Nah.
But, next time I have a decent paying full time job, I will not leave until I have found another one. On the other hand, I have been able to do a lot that I have always wanted to do as a result of quitting. Life is a double edged sword sometimes.
