Everyone has seen or talked about the Seinfeld episode where they are wondering around the parking garage looking for a safe place to find relief and end up getting caught by the cops or security for public urination. I probably wouldn't be funny if it were not so true to life. I remember my pastor's son getting caught by cops on a dark country road on night. He told us about it at church the next day. The cop had a good laugh about it.... If I remember correctly. This is just what guys end up having to do sometimes. We are taught as young boys, especially in the country how to scope out the right places to "drain the vein" or "let the lizard spit."* When it is dark outside, who cares if you walk out on the front porch or stop between your car and your house because the trek from your car to your house is a mile long.
*(A while back, a fellow blogger had a whole line of "poop" analogies, maybe we could go ahead and pick another body function.... I came up with the first two!)
While never having been caught by authorities, I too have had to leave my mark on the world while in a moment of desparation. When jogging around the neighborhood and about a mile and a half a way and I am certain I cannot make it, I have been guilty of finding a place of relief. I admit it. With my luck, there is probably a hidden camera out there with my uh... name on it.
A while ago, due to extrenuating circumstances (aka hurricane evacuation) I had to find a creative use for my car door (partition). Before that, while coming home from my college town, I was on a country road and rushing to get to a gas station to relieve myself appropriately when I had to stop due to a train. Yep, my truck door was a partition and it was just me and the train out there in the middle of nowhere and I SERIOUSLY had to take care of the situation. Thankfully it was after I finished that a second car drove up behind me.
You are all probably wondering what the heck I am doing talking about all this crap (well not really crap) for. A few times since I have started this blog, I was reminded of the most awesome testimony of public urination that anyone could ever come up with. It makes the boring examples above look.... well... boring.
Some time in college, I was with a friend of mine. We went to a local park where we knew a lot of our friends were playing capture the flag. Well, as you all have figured out, nature called. I tried to go to the park rest rooms and found them locked. Yep, I was desparate. In a park full of trees, I wondered around in the dark until I thought I was safe. I stepped up to the tree and about the time I was going to unzip and let 'er rip, the tree actually said in a girls voice, "I wouldn't do that if I were you Donnie." Surprised, thinking to myself "Holy Crap." I looked up to find one of my friends from band, all dressed in black, hiding from the others as part of the capture the flag game. Of all the trees! Needless to say, I assisted another tree in its need for nourishment that day. Dang that was embarassing. But, it sure is a cool story to write about and giggle about more than 10 years later. Top that suckas! :)
