Teaching can be bittersweet sometimes. While I believe that I am forming some good relationships and modeling patience and consistency, I have a hard time seeing that they are making progress in the subject area. I could get really down, but I am not the only one going through it. As many of you have read before, I have a tough crowd. What gets really irritating is when I have taught the same concept 7 or more times in a 10 or so day period and when I ask for an answer I still get blank stares.
You know, I am like that sometimes. I have to remind myself over and over again to stay organized and disciplined and still don't quite get it. How many thousands of lectures have I given myself about some of the things I should do to improve myself and wake up in the morning to stare blankly in the mirror? I am my students to some teacher out there.
Once again, maybe it is a lesson about responsibility. This is a word that I really don't like, but I am having to grasp at its meaning for my life more and more. The more you know or demonstrate you know, the more you become responsible for. This is true at home and at work. When I first became a teacher, I had to keep my head above water. I avoided any bright ideas for fear of being put on a committee. Finally, at the end of my second year, I had a few bright ideas and got invited to be part of a few committees. For some reason, though they are good ideas, I feel like I should have kept my mouth shut. I did join one committee, but they are still speaking a foreign language to me. I just sit back and nod. Maybe I can slow down enough by next year to understand all that is going on.
During the holiday happy hour, after school, one teacher was talking about her Christmas plans. After telling her how J. Rad's family was coming for Christmas, she said that she remembers the first Christmas she hosted for her family and it made her realize that she was becoming an adult when she was 31. For me, becoming an adult was 29, last Thanksgiving. Though it was for a noble reason, I still ran away this Thanksgiving. What is it that makes me find comfort in letting someone else be the responsible person or avoid responsibility? I don't know. In spite of this, I am seeing that being responsible is the better way. Time to grow up even more. Maybe I will learn to be a responsible dieter or exerciser next. Who knows.
Maybee, win I bale my gittar out of layway I will practice everyday because it will be good for me if I ever want to bee good at something ans especially something i love but don't get up and do for I am on the computer or bed in the not to mention TV. (The previous sentence is for the benefit of the Grammar police).
